I am a collector of other people’s shortcomings.
Through meditation, I looked at my bad habits, understood myself, and am now moving away from these habits.
Fighting with work colleagues
When I do my walking exercises by the river near my house, I think about my work colleagues. Most of what I think about them is their shortcomings.
Some of them are in debt, unloved by their husbands, and their children are going through puberty. Others are inferior to me in their work, don’t keep their promises, and don’t get along with their colleagues.
I collect all the negative aspects of these people and when I have a dispute with them, I appear to be reasonable and resolve the issue with them, but in reality, I have their shortcomings in my mental circuits and I refuse to give in to them.
Fighting with family
I have no mercy on my family. My insomniac mum, my conservative dad, my younger brother who didn’t study well at school in his childhood, my brother’s wife who graduated from an unremarkable university…
And let’s not forget my husband: the strong-willed man who can’t stop drinking and smoking, the man who hates to exercise and loves instant food, whose belly grows fatter with each passing year. With a shield made of their shortcomings to protect myself from being hurt in emotional quarrels with my family, I bully them manipulatively and have never once given up my point.
This emotional battle with everyone around me began to wear me down and distort who I was. No matter how much I dressed myself up in nice clothes and armed myself with advanced knowledge, I couldn’t win this endless battle. I felt alone and vain.
Now, when I go for a walk, when I go about my daily routine, whenever I think of it, I say to myself: “No fighting!” My life has been devastated by fighting with people, and most of all because I am living in a false world of my own making. I have been living in a false world with no consequences.
I’ve been collecting people’s shortcomings less and less, and the results of letting go of my mindset through meditation are starting to show. My spirit has been reborn, and I feel that my heart is right and very big. For example, my work colleague, with whom I fought to the death a few years ago, and I have teamed up and become great partners in helping each other. She fills in my gaps when it comes to work, and I take care of the tasks that she can’t do because she is busy. When we’re in the office together, things run so smoothly.
My relationship with my husband has also changed – I work on how to make him feel comfortable at home when he comes back from work. I prepare his favourite meals and wash the dishes immediately after dinner. He feels my attention and is always grateful and loves me for it. Recently, my husband has also started exercising with me, which is a miracle because he used to lie in bed looking at his phone whenever he had time.
I no longer find myself remembering a person’s shortcomings and using them to pick a fight because I hate the person. When I try to go back to my old habits, I scold myself for being mean to others and being a coward who won’t admit my faults. ‘Wake up, Donna, did you forget the no fighting rule?
I advise you to meditate. Meditation makes you a new person.