How do I stop being bitter, or perhaps I deserve to spend the rest of my life in bitterness?
No event, whatever it may be, such as a failure or a betrayal, is inherently bitter or a justified cause of bitterness. It is only the subjective perception of that event that makes it bitter.


What I like about your question is that you acknowledge being bitter. Many people who are bitter, don’t seem to acknowledge this fact; they are just too entrenched in their own bitterness to see it. According to such people, it’s the world’s fault, not their own fault, that they are miserable. There is little one can do to help a person like that because all change starts with a willingness to change oneself.

So, acknowledging one’s bitter state of mind is the first step, because by doing that, you can see that it is your mind alone that is creating the bitterness. Yes, in your bitterness, you might blame people and circumstances for your misfortune, but you also know that you are bitter; the bitterness consists of your own thoughts and feelings, no one else’s.

This is important to know because then we can acknowledge that bitterness is neither universally valid nor something that needs to be. No event, whatever it may be, such as a failure or a betrayal, is inherently bitter or a justified cause of bitterness. It is only the subjective perception of that event that makes it bitter.

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By practicing meditation, I have come to realize that I alone am responsible for what I have within my mind. This also involves recognizing that I was born with certain character traits and inclinations, such as tendencies towards bitterness, jealousy, anger, etc. I couldn’t help but live according to these traits until I became aware of them. I was like a robot. So there is no point in regretting things from the past. It’s better to move forward now and always work on the root of the problem, which is the mind.

By accepting that bitterness resides in the mind and that it exists like a “thought mass” or a “thought program,” the solution becomes evident: we have to work on the mind. If we were to rid the mind of bitterness, we would become free of it. Gradually and eventually. This is now fully possible.

For over 10 years, I have practiced meditation on a daily basis, which aims to empty the mind. This meditation is an introspective process during which we see what we have inside our mind and let it go. The more we let go, the freer the mind becomes. It’s a really miraculous process, provided you give it a chance. I’ve seen people who become bored after only a few sessions, and that will, of course, not suffice. You have to be persistent, and you have to work overtime.

When it comes to bitterness, it’s particularly good to look at inferiority, i.e., times when I didn’t feel good about myself, didn’t think I deserved or could be loved, compared myself with others, and set very high standards for myself and others. These kinds of thoughts are always driven by the inferiority complex and make us become susceptible to pain due to rejection and perceived failure, as well as holding others and the world to impossibly high standards, resulting in grave disappointment when these standards are not met. Such a mindset is a breeding ground for developing bitterness.

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By looking at this area of our mind and letting it go through meditation, we will gradually develop acceptance towards ourselves and the world. That acceptance comes naturally as we let go, and is the antidote to bitterness. Bitterness becomes impossible when we practice acceptance; when we accept, we can see beauty in every imperfection, and life becomes much less self-centered and much more joyous and synergistic.

My sole purpose in writing these Quora posts is to spread the word about meditation, how incredible it is, and what a fantastic solution it can be to whatever problems you might have. Through meditation, you’ll consistently find a way forward.