Not long ago, I went to the hospital because my shoulder and back hurt so much. It is said that it is a loss of muscle in the shoulder and back due to lack of exercise. I got a massage and some treatments from a physical therapist. I was reading <Harry Potter> book because I was bored while waiting in the waiting room in the middle of my treatment. What the physical therapist said while treating me was that it was cool to read Harry Potter written in English. He asked how I could read English well. So I said it was because I have been reading English books steadily every day.
I’ve been tired, and lazy like you for about 10 years. There was no interest, it was depressing, and it felt like I was always living the same day. Happy days were the unlikely days of my life. I’ve been like that for 10 years after giving birth to my first child. I became a mother without even being sure of my love and marriage life. I felt the responsibility for the lives of my two children and fell into depression and spent every day miserably.
At that time, what I did every single day was read the <Harry Potter> series. If I didn’t even read, I couldn’t handle the time given. I was afraid of the mundane hour when nothing happened. I didn’t expect to get something like a reward for reading <Harry Potter> books. I just wanted to take some time off. I had to raise my children and live my life.
When I see my photos of those days, I feel sorry for myself and my family. I regret why I lived that way when I could have loved more fervently. I could have loved my two sons, aged 2 and 3, more generously, but I regret why I couldn’t. Life always seems to go in vain like this.
That’s how I passed through a tunnel with no end in sight for 10 years and met a cliff at the end. It felt like my life was about to end with no more hope. The <Harry Potter> book that I read every day like a monk praying didn’t work, and my heart felt stuffy as if it was blocked in all directions by walls.
That’s when I started meditating. This is how I started proper meditation to throw away my depression and aimless wandering mind. I have been meditating for 6 years now. I have been cleaning my mind for the past 6 years. Depression, inferiority consciousness, laziness, desperation, sense of futility. Cleared a room in my mind full of this emotional junk. I learned how to clean and was able to diligently dispose of the garbage that occurs every day.
Don’t beat yourself up for your current feelings. As we go through life, we all become trapped in such feelings. It’s a very natural phenomenon. Before starting meditation, the room in my heart is full of useless stuff, but I just never sorted it out or threw it away. Learn to meditate and practice it. You, like me, can learn how to keep your mind healthy.
I have experienced many changes while meditating consistently every day. I take care of my family and love to live. And I study daily with fellow teachers to teach meditation to teenagers easily. And I take good care of myself. I wear clean clothes. And I don’t forget to have a cup of tea with my friends and smile.
You just stop for a moment because you overthink. As soon as you throw away your thoughts, hope and happiness naturally emerge within you as much as you throw them away.