Is it possible for someone to make themselves happy without people making them happy?
The way your question is framed might limit you. It is not a good starting point for your quest towards happiness since it implies that others need to make you happy. This is not at all true, it is irrelevant.
Let me explain. I think we all can agree on the following: It is possible for someone to be happy both with and without people around them. It is equally possible for someone to be unhappy both with and without people around them.
As you can see, the problem with your question is that it doesn’t address the issue that you want to resolve, i.e. the cause of and how to deal with your unhappiness. If we fail to see the root-cause of a problem, we will be lost since we will try to find a solution in a place where there is none to be found.
What false beliefs block your happiness?
What I have come to realize through meditation is that happiness occurs when our mind is not obstructed by negative thoughts and false beliefs. When the mind is cleared from worries, we are naturally happy/content.
I suggest that you look into the mind to see what is going on in there. What does your mind tell you; what are your beliefs when it comes to happiness? Perhaps something of the following:
- Without friends or people who care for me, I’m a loser and a failure.
- If I had people around me, they would make me feel happy because [insert any reasons your mind tells you here].
- Without people around me, i might never achieve [insert what my mind tells you]
- In order to be happy, I believe I need the following [insert what your mind tells you]
Take some time and write down all your thoughts related to your lack of happiness, and in particularly when it comes to your beliefs about how other people could solve your problem.
I guess you should be able to find quite a few things to put on your list. There might be many things you need to have or do in order to be happy. However, the important – and hopefully relieving – thing to know is that you don’t need anything on your list in order to be happy. In fact, they are the very obstacle to your happiness because they all stem from lack-based thinking.
Clearing the mind reveals happiness
Instead of chasing stuff, a much more productive approach is to clear the mind from lack-based thinking. The way to do this is meditation. When we rid the mind of our negative thoughts, our true mind reveals from within. This mind is like a blank slate. It doesn’t need anything to be satisfied. It is satisfied and balanced no matter the circumstances.
I speak from my own experience when I say that meditation is an amazing tool for becoming happy and content with whatever our situation is. I often felt lonely and unhappy before. I thought that happiness would come if I had love, a family, and people around me. I particularly remember one time. I had read that it was possible to manifest things you needed by writing it down on a piece of paper. Since I felt lonely, I wrote down that I needed to make 20 more friends within six months. In retrospect, I can’t believe how silly I was!
Through meditation, I was instead able to let go of my wants. The result was that stopped chasing happiness, or things or people that I believed would make me happy. I’ve come to realize that it is a principle that when we stop chasing things, when we surrender our greed and lack-based thinking, our life will be in a state of natural balance. This balance applies to all aspects of our life: work, environment, free time, challenges, talents, relationships, and friends.
To illustrate my point: Since I started to meditate, I’ve naturally come to meet many new people with whom I’ve built strong and lasting relationships. I would never have met these people without the meditation. However, I’m equally content when I’m by myself. And to be honest, I often prefer to be by myself. So, this is also how the world is treating me. The world is an extremely loving and benevolent place. It always treats me kindly, and gives me a lot of free space with just the right amount of interactions. It gives me challenges too so that I can grow, and don’t become complacent or ungrateful.
My mind is now at peace. It doesn’t tell me that I need this or that in order to be happy. Instead, happiness is all around me all the time. Happiness is a state of mind that is absent of worries. It was always within me; it only needed to be uncovered. It is the same for every person.
My advice: Introspection and meditation
So my advice for you is to become aware of how you view the world. What frames do you have, and what does your mind tell you when it comes to happiness? What do you think you need in order to become happy? When you know this, challenge these thoughts, and let them go.
Try out meditation. It’s easy these days. Many centers offer guided sessions online. The guides have gone through a lot of pain themselves and are often very good people to talk to. Try it out and see for yourself. Give it some time and sincere effort. You will see. The world will never be the same again. And that is for the better.
Best of luck!