What makes people charming?
According to experts- as a psychologist, Dr. Iris Pachler defined a charming person, “is someone who can be okay even when external factors, such as the surroundings and environment, are challenging and they’re able to find peace and strength from within and also have the ability to be flexible and accepting no matter the situation.”
Experts have also mentioned characteristics that make a person appealing: they smile, are thoughtful, make others feel good, and engage in activities that they enjoy. People that are charming are engaging, make eye contact when speaking with others, show interest in others, are genuine, fantastic storytellers, and are always encouraging others.
Isn’t it true that we all wish we possessed these characteristics? Why is it so difficult to be charming at all times?
I will share with you a short story about myself, who thought I was the most charming human being in the world.
Because of my dynamic and bubbly attitude, I used to think I was really charming. I talked too much and was always trying to stay on top of other people’s conversations. Looking back, I can see how hard I worked to maintain my “charming personality,” but it never lasted long. I was continually at odds with others and unable to form genuine, meaningful connections with those around me. My focus was on telling people what was going on inside my head, and I had terrible listening skills. I couldn’t relate with others because I couldn’t hear them out since I wasn’t a good listener. I was quick to pass judgment and make corrections. As a result, individuals were unable to open out to me, particularly at difficult times.
I’m grateful to everyone who put up with my “I know everything” persona and was gracious enough to remain around for a long.
It was easy to point out others’ flaws and give them advice on how to improve without having to walk in their shoes. I assumed that advising them would help, but it instead wounded them. They always walked away since I couldn’t make them feel good for a long time.
When encouraging people, I would try to persuade them to do things the way I did, as well as draw on my own experience or a tale I had heard, and expect them to follow my lead. Nobody listened to my advice since it was self-centered, which made me sad. I had a lot of doubts and insecurities. I’ve always wanted to be known as a smart, nice, sociable, and open-minded individual. I didn’t give others the opportunity to express their opinions, and if they did, I’d either try to outdo them or challenge them.
My mother was a priest’s daughter who dropped out of high school after becoming pregnant by a married Muslim man. All of her siblings graduated from high school, and several went on to universities abroad, thus she was viewed as the family’s failure. She was scolded, blamed, and despised. When mother was pregnant with me, she had to keep it a secret from the rest of the family. She gave birth to me while caring for her father, who was quite unwell at the time. Everyone around her was taken aback. I was born a few weeks early. She eventually chose to move to another city to seek a new life due to constant disagreements with her family. I was a person who had a lot of anxieties, fears, anger, competitiveness, and regrets when I was younger. My outward appearance was that of a lovely, kind, outgoing, and open-minded individual. But I was a “ripped into pieces person” on the inside.
When I started meditating with the “super meditation method”, I was able to get rid of the negative thoughts that were preventing me from living a happy life. When I looked back on my life objectively, I could see where my insecurities came from. I was continuously in a “competitive war” with people because of my self-centered negative thoughts, and I wanted to be on top and better than everyone. I had disagreements with friends, coworkers, and siblings as well. I aspired to be regarded as a wise, pleasant, and intelligent individual. I despised stupidity, cowardice, masculine dominance, religious people, and so forth.
I talked a lot and attempted to make as many friends as I could, looking for any type of acceptance. I disliked spending time alone and was constantly surrounded by others. I try to adapt to new cultures on a regular basis and had acquaintances of many ethnicity and civilizations. I’ve always thought of myself as a lovely individual. I always made friends with smart, outgoing, and cool individuals and attempted to learn a lot from them. I was not very cooperative with others and made a lot of snap judgments. I wasn’t as accepting as I thought I was at the time. I was able to see and comprehend my narrow and negative mind through self-reflection.
I could let go of all the thoughts that kept me from living in peace with others. I could see myself objectively as a person who would interrupt others when they were speaking, judging others, and believing false allegations. It was unusual and surprising to me how I had gone through life believing everything I heard and condemning others. I evolved into someone who would pay attention to what others had to say and appreciate their viewpoint. When talking with individuals, it felt really natural and refreshing. Because I learned to appreciate others’ ways of living and thinking, I stopped forcing my thoughts and opinions on others.
I was able to free the agony, sorrow, and resentment minds the more I eliminated my false thoughts. I feel lighter and also more accepting of life. I enjoy my company as well as my charms. I have the ability to interact with others in a pleasant and genuine way.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please find a wonderful video below that I would want to share with you:)